Every other day or so, there’s news out of Hollywood that makes me want to claw my eyes out, and today’s irritant comes in the form of casting news surrounding a Jessica Simpson film that I heretofore didn’t know existed. In a piece in The Hollywood Reporter announcing the addition of other actors, it was noted that she’s toplining Major Movie Star, about (and I quote here) “a somewhat clueless movie star who impulsively enlists in the U.S. Army Reserve after discovering her boyfriend is gay and her cousin/accountant has stolen all her money.”

Clearly the classic target with this project is Private Benjamin, the 1980 comedy starring Goldie Hawn. But that movie was co-scripted by Charles Shyer and Nancy Meyers, who, whatever one thinks of the films they’ve gone on to direct, know both structure and quality quips. It also can’t be stressed enough that in no way, shape or form does Simpson have one-tenth of Hawn’s talent or comic timing as an actress. Vivica A. Fox, Steve Guttenberg, Ryan Sypek, Saturday Night Live alum Cheri Oteri, High School Musical‘s Olesya Rulin and Gilmore Girls regular Keiko Agena will also be picking up paychecks for this trainwreck-in-waiting. Steve Miner (err… let’s say My Father the Hero) directs.