It’s a happy 30th birthday to Noureen DeWulf as well as a happy 38th birthday to Ali Larter, the latter of whom no doubt has had to engage in some Cool Whip shenanigans over the years to satiate suitors.

It’s a happy birthday to Brad Pitt, who turns a rather astounding 50 years old today, but nonetheless remains on the fantasy-bang lists of all sorts of women decades his junior (and senior, I’d reckon). I wonder what’s up with the strippers he used to ferry around, though?

It’s an interesting collection of filmmakers who share a birthday today — District 9 director Neill Blomkamp turns 34 years old, Bryan Singer turns 48, and Baz Luhrmann and Paul Feig each turn 51. I like to imagine them having some sort of secret society, or at the very least a special handshake.

It’s a happy birthday to Stanley Kubrick, who would have been 85 years old today, as well as Kevin Spacy, who turns 54, and Kate Beckinsale, who flips the personal odometer over to 40. Sandra Bullock, meanwhile, creeps to just one year away from the mid-century mark, a fact which will surely bewilder plenty of Speed fans. And probably Jesse James, too — you just know that guy never knew when her birthday was.

It’s a happy 52nd birthday to Woody Harrelson, a happy 46th birthday to Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and a happy 39th birthday to Kathryn Hahn, who’s pretty damn terrific in Afternoon Delight, releasing August 30 from the Film Arcade.

Happy birthday shout-outs to Tyler Labine, Michelle Pfeiffer, Uma Thurman and Daniel Day-Lewis. Oh, and your mom, too… if it’s her birthday. I have no way of knowing.

It’s a happy 73rd birthday to Roundhouse Aficionado cover subject emeritus Chuck Norris and his pearly (phony) whites. Observe it by roundhouse kicking someone you love, please.

It’s a happy 39th birthday today to Eva Mendes, who doesn’t look terrible sprawled out like that. A few years back I pondered her untapped gifts, and for those who haven’t had the chance to track it down, she’s quite excellent in Massy Tadjedin’s underappreciated Last Night, an evocative portrait of modern sexual temptation.

It’s a happy birthday to Jean-Claude Van Damme, who turns 52 today, but hopefully isn’t coerced into celebrating by doing 52 scissor-kick splits.

As a hopefully happy 30th birthday sets on Lacey Chabert, it’s best birthday wishes to Olga Fonda, who also celebrates number 30. Come on in ladies, the water’s fine…

It’s a happy 26th birthday to Emmy Rossum, who has engendered no small amount of hate due to… what, exactly? The fact she’s one of these multi-hyphenate talents, daring to both sing and act and do modeling and what not as well? I’m not sure if her topless scenes in Shameless have helped or hurt her any in this regard — all I know is that in the maybe three or four pieces I’ve penned about either her or her movies over the years, the comments sections have reliably gotten blown up by weirdo trolls, in a manner and to a degree not really keeping with her stature or public profile. So what is it about her that so sets some folks off? I’d really like to know.

It’s a happy 34th birthday to Devon Sawa, who should surely wish to be remembered more for Final Destination than Devil’s Den, even though the latter is… special in its own way.

It’s a happy birthday today to Annette Bening, who joins Michelle Pfeiffer in the “Hot 54-Year-Olds Club,” and has hopefully found some solid ground in what has to be a difficult personal matter with which to cope.

It’s a happy 54th birthday to Michelle Pfeiffer today, who deserves nothing but sunshine and happiness in life. Well worth checking out for both Pfeiffer fans and others who probably missed it when it was dumped like a homeless murder victim’s body by its distributor is Amy Heckerling’s I Could Never Be Your Woman; it’s a charming, funny romantic comedy with great performances by Paul Rudd and a young(er) Saoirse Ronan.

It’s a happy birthday as well to the striking Noureen DeWulf, now 28. I stumbled across part of The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard on television recently, and said “Hell-o!” But I still couldn’t place what else I’d seen DeWulf in. American Dreamz, maybe? No firm memories there, really. It turns out it was The Taqwacores, actually. Here’s to more of her, and if it’s in ensembles like the one above then so be it.

It’s a happy 83rd birthday to architect Frank Gehry, who also makes for a charming and interesting documentary subject, via Sydney Pollack’s casually seductive Sketches of Frank Gehry.

It’s a happy 53rd birthday to Twin Peaks‘ Kyle MacLachlan, who also knows what to do with root vegetables, it turns out.

It’s a happy 29th birthday to the Russian-born Olga Fonda, who is an actress, don’tcha know, because she speaks words in Real Steel.

It’s a happy 79th birthday today to filmmaker Robert Benton, who’s a great writer and a class act to boot.

It’s a happy 34th birthday to the intriguingly named Zachary Quinto, of Heroes and rebooted Star Trek fame. It must be nice to have those fan conventions in your back pocket, for supplementary retirement income. For a chat from last year with the man himself, click here.

It’s a happy 22nd birthday to Jessica Lowndes, who is a raven-haired ringer for a younger sister of Elizabeth Banks, I tell you. For those interested, she toplines the recently-released-to-DVD Altitude, which is better than it needs to be.

“Ladies and gentlemen, 53-year-old birthday boy and Fulbright scholar Dolph Lundgren on drums!”

It’s a happy 38th birthday to the attractive and entirely pleasant Sharon Leal, who almost makes one want to stop sighing deeply and/or punching themselves in the face while watching Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married Too? Almost.

It’s repeat happy birthday returns to Alicia Silverstone and Rachael Leigh Cook, who turn 34 and 31 today, respectively. Avoid Batman & Robin, old Aerosmith music videos on YouTube, She’s All That and Blonde Ambition, and call it a celebration.