Well, it’s a quarter ’til one in the morning and I just heard some strange noise outside, so it seems as good a time as any to re-post a review of the recent remake of The Amityville Horror, originally published upon its theatrical release in 2005 by a now-defunct (and deservedly so) publication. To wit:
The curtains billow early and often in The Amityville Horror, a self-serious
fright flick, full of all the familiar genre touchstones, that tries to play up
a classy, non-fiction pedigree, but ironically comes off as more dunderheaded
and wildly implausible than any number of slapdash, generic horror siblings. A
nastily forceful and artless rehash of movies both much better (The Shining) and just as bad (Hide and Seek), The Amityville Horror is a remake of the 1979 film starring James
Brolin and Margot Kidder, and based on a true story — “the true story” the title card trumpets (like it’s a friggin’
chronicling of the Revolutionary War or something). It jabs at the audience
insistently from the get-go, mixing earsplitting sound design and ghoulish and
gory visual smash-cuts picked up off the cutting room floors of various Nine
Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson music videos.
The film is set in 1975 in the
Park
Contractor George Lutz (a buff, bearded Ryan Reynolds) has found love with
Kathy (Melissa George), and with her comes a ready-made family consisting of
three kids — surly pre-teen Billy, young daughter Chelsea and little,
perpetually dewy-eyed Michael — since Kathy’s first husband has passed away.
When they find an expansive fix-’er-upper on the edge of town for a song, they
wonder what the catch is. Come to find out that in the house scruffy, bearded
Ronald DeFeo shotgunned to death six family members — his parents and four
siblings — in their sleep, supposedly under instruction from demons. Never ones
to pass up a deal, however, the Lutz clan rolls the die (wink, wink) and moves
in anyway. Bad idea… George’s grasp on reality becomes more and more tenuous
(as evidenced by Reynolds’ bloodshot contacts), and he starts hearing messages
to kill his family. Chelsea, meanwhile, falls under the dangerous sway of dead
little Jodie DeFeo, for some reason not stopping to ask her about the bullet
hole in her head.
The concept of horror on display in The Amityville Horror is a loose one, applied arbitrarily to
whatever works in the moment, be it a vaguely anthropomorphized house,
apparitions of rotting-faced dead girls or bloody, tortured visages and ripped
open ribcages. Mostly, though, it merely means sound effects editors paid by
the decibel. Scott Kosar’s script never manages to rise too far above
preposterousness, be it in big scenes (separate scenes of confrontation for the
children when Rachel Nichols’ pin-up stoner babysitter meets an unfortunate
fate) or small (a ridiculous expository microfiche headline, “DeFeo kills
family after 28 days,” meant to give parallel urgency to the current
proceedings).
Meanwhile, director Andrew Douglas — yet another esteemed
commercial veteran making his feature debut — doesn’t have the requisite dark,
foreboding flair to match The Texas
Chainsaw Massacre remake, another Kosar adaptation exec-produced by Michael
Bay. The result is a movie with game efforts from Reynolds and George, and a
few early effective passages, but one whose finale is so stupid as to
completely erase any trace remembrances of tangible emotional consequences. The
only lasting horror in The Amityville
Horror is in what it takes from your wallet. (MGM/Dimension, R, 83
minutes)
the Halloween franchise, but only in the most wan and nominal fashion imaginable. The manner in which traditional notions of development were clearly abdicated here speaks volumes about how and what Hollywood thinks of horror franchises — which is to say certainly not anything seriously, but rather only as a slick, goosing means to an end, that end being dollars. For the Weinstein Company, the notion of a Halloween movie directed by Rob Zombie — a not-untalented guy who’s made increasingly savvy use of his devil’s minion image in both music and film — clearly had more appeal than a Halloween movie directed by just about any other established filmmaker who could be coaxed to tackle such an assignment. The film’s box office results seem to bear out the fruit of this line of reasoning.
X-Files
The
The Nines, loosely retains the same triptych structure as Go, as well as the same sort of healthy disregard for purely linear pleasantries. The Nines is also notable because it’s August’s feature debut behind the camera. Unlike the thematically timid, familiar stories of half measures that many a writer make for their directorial debuts — more intimately scaled movies that feel like reaches across the table for salt and pepper — August’s The Nines is, psychologically speaking, a big, freewheeling affair, stuffed back within the confines of a tightly framed story.
Jim Carrey remaining devoted to counterbalancing
30 days; 2) he must eat three square meals a day, no excuses; 3) he must try everything on the menu at least once; and 4) he will “super size” his meal only, but always, when asked. The only other limitation Spurlock imposes is one of limited physical activity, meaning no formal exercise and only the average amount of American walking per day (a handy pedometer counts the paces).
Thomas Lennon), Randy’s father is killed. Nearly two decades later, a grown-up Randy (
Writer-director Chris Gorak has an interesting background in production design and art direction, and to this end his debut feature achieves a certain lean, muscular uniformity, even if I could do without a lot of Tom Richmond’s affected, jittery cinematography, which comes across as a repetitive exercise in theatrical goosing. Gorak gets a lot of the small details of his conceit right, from the jumbled radio news reports (anchors and reporters stumbling over words, making misstatements and then correcting themselves) to the panicked uncertainty of Brad’s decision-making. Part of the problem, though, is that though the characters are ostensibly tethered to one another, one is also free to roam about, meaning that when Lexi does just that, and returns with outlandish tales of the scope of the situation, it pulls viewers out of this particular story.
Scarlett Johansson‘s New Jersey-born heroine negotiating the perils of the urban jungle of Manhattan’s Upper East Side. It tells the story of the emotional and often humorous journey of Annie Braddock (
Justin Theroux (Mulholland Drive) adroitly walks the line between idiosyncrasy and genuineness, and the result is something special. Written by David Bromberg, Dedication may not be wholly accurate as a portrait of artistic grappling, but it’s an eminently quotable and agreeably barbed romance with a true collision of convictions. Even more, it’s sincerely about one of the most difficult things in life: making real changes in oneself. While the neurotic misanthrope is a tried-and-true character of a certain brand of cinema, Crudup’s performance achieves a depth and authenticity that helps make the entire movie really sing; the audience understands the panic in his soul. Moore, too, is fantastic; she was good in
For the original capsule review, from CityBeat, click here and scroll down.
Nicole Kidman — no doubt weary of their star meal ticket’s long and devoted pursuit of idiosyncratic art house fare like Birth, The Human Stain, Dogville and
An Inconvenient Truth boiled down an enormous subject
I’ve already mentioned The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters, but it’s really worth repeating, the charms of this humorous and involving, to-scale documentary from Seth Gordon. The film centers on family man and middle-school science teacher Steve Wiebe (above right), who’s the
U2 for a
Rocket Science isn’t
Adrien Brody), frustrated by the stultifying inaction of his United Nations superiors, who include the rather obviously named Colonel Soft (
Napoleon Dynamite and
Jennifer Lopez going the indie route in a bid for reclaimed credibility, and while that’s a good tack in theory, the actual films that she’s chosen don’t seem to be able to necessarily pass muster. I don’t have time to pen a full-bodied, more intellectually discerning review, but the first out of the gate, El Cantante — the dramatic biography of Puerto Rican salsa
The Bourne Ultimatum, then, serves as an involving and fitting bookend to Damon’s character-powered spy thriller series, paying off in a thrilling manner his amnesiac assassin’s search to uncover the roots of his identity while also delivering plenty of slam-bang, real-world action set across a sprawling variety of locations. The film opens at a dead sprint, and doesn’t much slow down; even its quiet, contemplative moments have a sense of unease and their own careening forward momentum.