Monthly Archives: March 2014

Anna Nicole

Though she lived less than four decades, Anna Nicole Smith lived, well, a lot. A trashy and ultimately tragic figure, she was in many ways the progenitor of all the (relatively) more stable “reality” demi-celebrities, like dating show combatants contestants and later the entire Kardashian brood, who have come to sadly dominate the modern day pop cultural landscape. Still, while her life is full of any number of dramatic ups and downs, that doesn’t mean it inherently translates, in staple-and-clip fashion, to a dramatically engaging movie. Especially if that movie happens to be a made-for-television Lifetime production.



Such is the axiom affirmed by Anna Nicole, starring Agnes Bruckner as the doomed stripper, Playboy model and single mother turned walking pharmacological warning story. Opening in small town Texas, the film — a very literal-minded curation of all of Smith’s greatest hits — charts its subject’s teenage pregnancy and uneasy relationship with her mother (Virginia Madsen), her hesitant turn to stripping, her relationship with an elderly billionaire (Martin Landau) and of course all the legal fallout and battles with said billionaire’s son (Cary Elwes) when the latter passes away.



There’s no drama or pathos here; opportunity arrives in yawning, E-Z fashion (“What’s your name? You’re every man’s fantasy. I want you to be the next Guess Jeans girl!” says one early benefactor), and when things fall apart, they do so quickly, so that the movie can dutifully move on to the next incident of note in Smith’s life. It’s based on an article from New York Magazine, but John Rice and Joe Bateer’s screenplay might as well have been adapted from Smith’s Wikipedia page, for all the depth it offers. Lines that are meant to connect as light comedy (“You make me feel 75 again,” says Landau’s character) fall flat, and there’s nothing greater than a thumbnail scratch of insight herein.

Bruckner, aided by some digital trickery that helps mimic and capture what is likely Smith’s best known asset — her enormous breasts — has a difficult job and does the best that she can, since she’s basically trying to breath life and human dimension into a decidedly uneducated character who then also falls victim to alcohol and prescription pill abuse. It’s a credit to her breathy turn that you’re able to at least glimpse a small handful of moments of genuine hurt and vulnerability underneath all the thick-lacquered surface drama, but it’s nowhere near enough to recommend giving this movie a spin.

If there’s otherwise anything notable about Anna Nicole, it’s the fact that it serves as evidence that even auteur-minded filmmakers have bills they need to pay, which presumably explains how and why Mary Harron (American Psycho, The Notorious Bettie Page) came to be involved with this lowest-common-denominator biopic. It’s all rather ghastly, honestly — vacuumed free of nuance and even a whiff of darkness, Anna Nicole plays like a clucking, cautionary audio-visual picture book for middle-America housewives to follow along with, pass judgment on and feel better about themselves.

Housed in a regular plastic Amaray case, Anna Nicole comes to DVD presented in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen, with French and English language Dolby digital 5.1 surround sound audio tracks, and optional English SDH, English and French subtitles. Apart from chapter stops, there are unfortunately no supplemental extras. To purchase the DVD via Amazon, click here; to purchase via Half, click here. D- (Movie) D (Disc)

300: Rise of an Empire




The third and biggest-budgeted sword-and-sandal action movie to arrive this year, 300: Rise of an Empire unfolds in 480 B.C., but it might as well be “K.C.,” or Known Commodity. Such is the laid track that this punishingly brutal follow-up to Zack Snyder’s influential 300, which told the story of the battle of Thermopylae and a group of Spartan soldiers’ valiant but ultimately futile defense against a marauding army of Persian invaders, unfolds upon. With its low-angle shots, ominous thunderclaps, glistening pecs and bellowed celebrations of freedom, Rise of an Empire peddles a very particular, fetishized form of masculine hero worship in telling the story of a concurrent naval campaign, but all in service of little more than a state-of-the-art showcase for unremitting violence.

Snyder and Kurt Johnstad’s script, based on a graphic novel by Frank Miller after the first film’s success, is a mélange of familiar bits and half-cooked motivations ladled over graphic bloodletting. There is absolutely a place for this sort of faux-historical entertainment — for bombastic films of representational value — but Rise of an Empire lacks the characterizations and intrigue to make it work. This film could be fun, or it could be grisly and of more consequence. Instead, it’s like watching someone else play a videogame. For the full, original review, from Screen Daily, click here. (Warner Bros., R, 103 minutes)

Repentance


Describing it as a cross between Misery, What Lies Beneath and Eve’s Bayou has the unfortunate side effect of making director Philippe Caland’s Repentance sound a lot more interesting than it actually is. A yawning, mopey thriller that unsuccessfully tries to blend psychological portraiture with pointless tension derived from torture, Caland’s film wastes a couple of invested performances that outstrip the material’s intelligence deficit.

Repentance unfolds in New Orleans, where author and life coach Tommy Carter (Anthony Mackie) lives with his yoga instructor wife Maggie (Sanaa Lathan), peddling positivity and a vague sort of synthesized religiosity. Dormant familial tensions get front-burnered when Tommy’s screw-up older brother Ben (Mike Epps) turns up out of the blue, needing money and a place to crash.

Trying to help out Ben, Tommy decides to take on an individual client who approached him at a book signing — Angel Sanchez (Forest Whitaker), a troubled handyman whose daughter Francesca (Ariana Neal) is also a student in one of Maggie’s children’s classes. Angel is fixated on the untimely death of his mother, and while Tommy’s work with him initially seems to have some benefit, he reacts violently when Tommy attempts to bring their professional relationship to an end. A confused Angel holds Tommy against his will, and begins to inflict his own brand of twisted therapy.

Caland, a French-Lebanese immigrant, has led one of those fantastically weird and charmed lives touching upon all sorts of entrepreneurial endeavors. He was a producer on Boxing Helena and the founder of JuntoBox Films, which provides a crowd-sourcing vehicle for independent filmmakers. A number of his previous directorial efforts have been of the “inside Hollywood” variety, about a filmmaker nobly struggling to make their movie, and Repentance itself is apparently a remake of a film with the same narrative, in which Caland directed himself in the role Whitaker plays here. The basic takeaway of all this is the polite suggestion that perhaps moviemaking is not the occupation for which Caland is best suited — at least on a creative level. For the full, original review, from Paste, click here. (Lionsgate, R, 95 minutes)