A Transporter-type programmer of moderate if ever-diminishing intrigue, Guido tells the tale of an Iraqi immigrant limousine driver and “fixer” who gets mixed up in an illicit deal gone wrong, and then has to drive both a corpse and his terminally ill landlady across the country. Scripted by and starring Alki David, the film benefits from an above-average supporting cast of recognizable faces, but ultimately offers up no fresh or compelling spin on a fairly standard package of wayward hitman/lowlife clichés.



Bad things always seem to happen at the New Jersey docks, and the first act of Guido evidences no exception. After he’s tasked by his boss (Gary Busey) with overseeing the illegally curated arrival of what turns out to be a container full of sex slaves, the gun-toting title character (David, above right) is attacked and lays waste to a bunch of the offending participants (including Ron Jeremy).

The now-dead Albanian mafioso with whom he arrived, however, swallowed an important cell phone memory chip, which means various scumbags (including Billy Zane) and federal agents (including Armand Assante) are on Guido’s tail as he drives west to Los Angeles, to deliver the body to some other thugs. Also along for the ride is Maria (the late Lupe Ontiveros), Guido’s sickly but moralizing Mexican-American landlady.

David, who acted with Jason Statham in The Bank Job, appropriates some of his erstwhile costar’s sullen, tough-guy mannerisms. Apart from a wan explanation for his name, however, David doesn’t delve into Guido’s immigrant backstory with any measurable depth, leaving an enormous reservoir of character-deepening intrigue untapped. This doesn’t matter as much early on, when Guido is coasting along on the strength of its somewhat off-center and contrasting characters. As it moves into its second and third acts, though, the film’s innate lack of ideas comes to the surface. Fisticuffs and car chases ensue, along with yawns.

Cinematographer Ted Caloroso and composer Jim Lang deliver solid budget work, but director Colin Campbell does little to distinguish himself by way of action framing. It doesn’t help much that some of the conceits he’s handed are outlandish; say, Guido giving chase after his stolen limo on bicycle, then roof-surfing and punching his way back inside, all while Maria still sleeps in the backseat. This puts Guido in the awkward position of being too over-the-top to be convincing and yet not wild and eccentric enough to qualify as a testosteronized action romp. (FilmOn.com/O’Connell’s Limo Service LLC, R, 90 minutes)