It’s a happy birthday to Jessica Paré, who turns 24 today. Who, you ask? Well, Paré made quite an impression in Denys Arcand’s Stardom in 2000, and then again in the following year’s Lost and Delirious, which was god-awful but included a young(er) Mischa Barton, and was at least notable for some lesbian canoodling with Piper Perabo. Jessica, where have you been? I gather you had a role on that TV show Jack & Bobby, but I try to avoid Christine Lahti at all costs, so that’s on rumor. C’mon, already, hook up the good twin/bad twin indie flick with dead ringer Liv Tyler… what’s the hold-up?

Sincere birthday wishes to Grace Kelly, who would’ve been 77 today. A real looker, she was.

It’s a happy birthday to Naomi Watts, who turns 38 years old today. Or should I say a happy birthday for you, dear reader?

A happy birthday shout-out to Rose McGowan, who turns 31 today. How can we ever forget that dress, Rose, and where are today’s stars brassy enough to sport one in similar fashion? Oh, nevermind. I guess the complete lack of panties is the new “risque dress” for femme Hollywood’s ruling elite…

UPDATE 10/17/2011: A clucking, sighing, backhand pimp-slap to my face for somehow neglecting to remember to ask McGowan about this dress during my interview with her earlier this year. Hey, no one is more disappointed in me than I am…

It’s a happy 23rd birthday to reformed bisexual Melinda from The Real World, whose last name no one really knows. (That would be Stolp, actually.) Thank you — no, seriously — for your hardcore penchant for boy-shorts and steadfast commitment to exhibitionism, but please, pretty please, don’t feel the obligation to become an actress. Just take your great imitation of Julia Roberts’ laugh and air-quote fairy-tale relationship, enjoy some time off, keep toned and tanned, and wait by the phone until the next Real World/Road Rules Challenge…

It’s birthday well wishes for Natasha Henstridge, who turns 32 today. She’s come a long way from 1995’s Species, and has probably done the best job of career management of any star of a cheap sci-fi genre flick that’s spawned direct-to-video sequels of that ilk. In celebration, grace your computer with some new wallpaper for the day… or week.

Michelle Pfeiffer, you are one hot 48-year-old. We can party anytime. I mean, isn’t husband David E. Kelley pretty much writing 22 hours a day anyway?

It’s a birthday today also for Uma Thurman, meanwhile, who turns 36, which still seems a bit young since she’s seemingly been around forever. Between all the tight outfits, whirling dervish ass kicking and top-shelf lounging in Kill Bill, Be Cool and The Producers, you don’t think she’s enjoying her newfound singledom, do you?