So, is Sexy Pirates related to the billion-dollar Disney franchise… like, a spin-off with a bunch of lesbian swashbucklers? No, alas. Or is it related to the adult film spoofs of same franchise? Nope, not that either. Instead, Sexy Pirates actually predates all of those efforts; it’s the American title of a softcore effort from Joe D’Amato, in which a bit of nudity, sex and catfights are commingled with a bunch of costumed sword-play.

The story centers on Sir Francis Hamilton (Menyhert Rene Balog-Dutambe), an ambassador of King Charles II, who has to go to Jamaica to sign a peace treaty with the loathed French government. On the way, his ship is attacked by a bunch of savage pirates, and his wife (former Penthouse Pet and Hungarian hardcore starlet Anita Rinaldi) is asked to pay a huge ransom for his safe return. Gathering up a huge crew of her own, however, she sets sail for revenge.

D’Amato is… what’s the most polite word for hack, again? Prolific, that’s right. The director of over 200 movies, from regular narrative to hardcore costume genre dramas and everything in between, D’Amato is a shooter, meaning he’s not precious or particular about much of anything. That fact certainly shows here. Yet if the acting and story are of dubious quality, the settings and staging are at least legit. The chief problem is that Sexy Pirates, in which women occasionally traipse around in the spirit of “nudie cuties” of yesteryear, has neither the action and spirit to satisfy a mainstream audience, nor the content to sate more prurient interests. It’s a tweener — fairly impressively lensed by Piero Montanari, but nowhere near rousing enough to elicit hearty bellows of, “Yo, ho ho!”

Housed in a regular plastic Amaray case, Sexy Pirates comes to DVD presented in 1.33:1 full screen, with an Italian language mono Dolby digital 2.0 audio track, on a region-free disc. The optional English subtitles are rife with spelling and grammatical errors. Apart from the obligatory chapter stops, there are no supplemental bonus features. Nevertheless, to order the DVD, click here. D+ (Movie) D+ (Disc)