What’s the most important lesson of Thirst, a stranded-in-the-desert ensemble flick starring Lacey Chabert, among others? Make sure you’re with at least one busty chick, since her breast implants, in a real pinch, may eventually allow you to give yourself a saline drip that will mitigate hallucinatory dehydration.

Somewhat unironically dubbed “Open Water in the desert” by Horrorsquad.com’s Peter Hall on its cover box, Thirst centers on vacationing med student Noelle (Chabert) and her husband Bryan (Tygh Runyan), who accompany another
couple, photographer Tyson (Brandon Quinn) and his new model-girlfriend Atheria (Mercedes McNab), on a day trip into the hot, desolate California desert for what they think will be a nice, uncomplicated photo shoot. Whoops. When Tyson accidentally puts their car into a ravine, the group is left stranded, and ill prepared to easily extricate themselves from the situation.

Following the car crash, Atheria is concussed and bleeding internally, which soon leads to some gnarly shenanigans with a screwdriver, in an effort to release pent-up pressure and swelling in her brain. The chief problem, though, is of course the group’s dwindling supply of water. With no shelter, no food and no cell phone reception, they make a directional miscalculation, and suffer its consequences. Lost and increasingly hopeless, one by one the group begins to fall victim to the relentless elements, unable to stave off the effects of dehydration with rattlesnake blood or their own urine. (Yeah, seriously.)

Thirst doesn’t reinvent the wheel, certainly, but neither does it terribly embarrass itself. The basic plot machinations are all more or less expected, but director Jeffery Scott Lando redeems himself a bit with a few long-form scenes which invest heartily in Bryan and Noelle’s relationship, and make this genre entry more female-friendly than a lot of other films of its ilk. The script, too, doesn’t put its foot down too heavily on the intra-group bickering; there’s recrimination, but it’s fairly well modulated. That said, the folks here do seem to compound their situation by continuing to make terrible decisions, like traveling during the day and resting during the cool of the evening, hypothesizing that it’s “not safe to travel in the dark.” It’s thinking like that which makes it hard for one to root for you, kids.

Housed in a regular plastic Amaray case, Thirst comes to DVD divided into a dozen chapters, presented in 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen, with English language Dolby digital 5.1 surround sound and 2.0 stereo audio tracks. The picture transfer is mostly solid, and free from edge enhancement or any artifacting; colors seem inconsistent, however. (This may be reflective of creative choices; it’s not entirely clear.) There are also optional English SDH and Spanish subtitles, but there are unfortunately no other supplemental extras, save a preview trailer for the movie and a quartet of other First Look titles, including the iguana-riffic Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans. Given that Chabert also pulled a producer credit on the film, it’s a bit curious she didn’t submit to/push for at the very least some EPK-style on-set interview chats. To purchase the DVD via Amazon, click here. C+ (Movie) D+ (Disc)