So I’ve previously railed against Ugg boots, which I regard as an abomination. In fact, there’s a girl who lives near me who always walks her dog wearing the same pink sweatpants and tan Uggs, which strikes me as bizarre. I haven’t yet punched her in the head or run over and ripped her boots off, but I might just yet.

My latest irritation comes in the form of the sort of gigantic sunglasses that the Paris Hiltons, Eva Longorias and Jennifer Lopezes of the world have women hooked on. I guess Dior is the chief offender, but doubtless there are other, equally offensive peddlers. I gather that — not unlike the appendix — these sunglasses started out serving some functional purpose, namely when celebrities had to disguise themselves while ducking out into the real world on the weekend when their assistants had to return home for a parent or sibling’s funeral. Soon, though, they became just another way to say, “Look at me!” They look like friggin’ welder’s masks, some of these things, yet when a character is meant to be portrayed as desirably fashionable, more often than not these shades get some screen time.

A stand needs to be taken, desperately. I mean, no one called bullshit on parachute pants in the early 1980s, and look where that got us…