No disrespect, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel
fans, but David Boreanaz is one of those of those actors who, if he
hadn’t gotten his big break on the small screen, couldn’t sniff a role
as a lead in a theatrical feature. His eyes limpid pools of
sensitive-guy yearning, his chest properly Soloflex-toned, Boreanaz is
most successful because he’s an empty vessel for (mostly female)
audience projection. Absent a compelling serial arc, though, or a
strong authorial presence in the form of puppet master like Joss
Whedon, you’re left with nothing more than a blank canvas, as the wan,
butt-baring, Canadian sexual comedy These Girls evidences.

Provincial
girls Keira St. George (Caroline Dhavernas) and baseball-loving Jesus
freak Lisa McDougall (Holly Lewis) catch their friend Glory Lorraine
(Amanda Walsh) in the sack one evening with Keith Clark (Boreanaz), a
scruffy, married pot-grower with a young infant and a wife whose
night-shift schedule as a nurse affords him plenty of unsupervised
recreational time. Their own burgeoning sexual curiosity piqued, they
each in turn seduce Keith. Glory finds out and is furious, but the
three eventually find salvaged accord in a unique “joint custody”
program in which they share bed time with him.

Written and directed by John Hazlett, These Girls ascribes
arbitrary traits to its characters, particularly the underwritten
Keith, who wows one girl by… pulling a knife on some 13-year-olds who
are non-threateningly heckling another kid. Wow, how chivalrous! The
movie tries to mine comedy from Keith’s sexual weariness, but it
doesn’t really work. The fetching Dhavernas (who would also turn in
good work in the unfortunately short-lived Wonderfalls) is by
far the best of the three actresses, but none of them really
convincingly pass for teenagers — the use of posed cigarettes and
retainers for props notwithstanding — and horrible voiceover narration
only further highlights the parade of obviousness already on display. A
desultory score is credited to Ned Bouhalassa, Peter Hay and Polo,
though pop act Tegan and Sara’s “Walking with a Ghost” provides a pinch
of vibrancy, however brief.

What else… oh, right, the butt-baring.
Yes, Boreanaz drops reverse-trou at one point, and stands prone in his
underwear another time. Didn’t do much for me personally, but there you
have it, ladies.
The film is presented in a clear, 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen
transfer, with no grain or discoloration that sometimes mar independent
releases. English 2.0 stereo and English Dolby digital 5.1 audio mixes
ably complement the visuals, but there are no additional bonus
features, save some preview trailers for other Ardustry releases. D (Movie) C- (Disc)