Look, I have exactly one thing to say about Material Girls, the cute
little PG-rated romp starring sisters Hilary and Haylie Duff that opened last
week to $4.6 million, and it has nothing to do with how much I’ve had to drink
tonight.

I noticed as I was wandering by its poster today
that this movie has 19 effing producers… 19! And no, that’s
not counting the credited line producer either. Sure, you’ve got a couple Duffs on the list, and the requisite mix of executive producers and co-producers. But
sweet frickin’ Christ, Hollywood,
you’re telling me it really took this many people to
painstakingly piece together a masterpiece like this while Munich or Forrest Gump or
any number of complex epics have four or less? Producer credits are a complete
joke — the new STD of the industry — and if I were an ass-busting member of the
Hollywood old guard, I’d be mightily pissed.

So this is my challenge, any and all Material Girls producers:
defend yourself and all your cohorts, explain who did what and why you deserve
poster/title card position. I’m talking to you, David Faigenblum, Brent Emery,
Milton Kim, Troy Rowland, Tara Pirnia, Guy Oseary… aww, screw this. I’m tired
of typing out all these names…