A full review will follow on Friday, but Kevin James and Adam Sandler’s I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry is a movie that makes you say wow, and not in a good way. It’s bad. In fact, it’s flat-out awful. I went in expecting a slightly down-market, dumb-fun-time comedy, and left underwhelmed. The story is derisible, the cameos are strange (Dave Matthews? Dan Patrick?) and a long and absolutely laugh-free early passage leaves one with plenty of time to ponder the average number of popcorn crunches per minute of one’s neighbor.

From Sandler’s libidinous, gum-smacking, single-guy skirt-chaser right on down the line, Chuck & Larry goes to extraordinary lengths to assert the fact that it’s a “play-gay” movie, both in the film and of course in its marketing. It even has not one but two hetero-tilting taglines — “They’re straight as can be, but don’t tell anyone,” and “How far would you go for a friend?” Why not just go ahead and put, “Seriously man, they totally dig boobs, for reals” in parantheses under the title? That would roughly equate to the level of nuance and subtlety contained herein.

Sure, the movie actually delivers on Jessica Biel’s butt shots, in rather… admirable fashion, I guess you’d say? But it’s not funny, period. Further carving to follow…