I saw a young woman in a pair of Ugg boots yesterday, and somehow, exercising great willpower, I managed to resist the urge to beat her about the head and shoulders. My rage finds its roots in the 2004 Garry Marshall movie Raising Helen, and the destructive power of film fashion.
Sandra Bullock and Reese Witherspoon have flirted with but never truly inherited from Meg Ryan in the wake of the latter’s wandering off to become a cautionary Botox tale. This generally means Hollywood makes each year, in groping fashion, a handful of trifles that have been knocking around in development, casting thousand-watt-smile female up-and-comers opposite B-level, sad-sack leading men (John Corbin, Luke Wilson, Edward Burns, John Caviezel and, I’m quite sorry to say it, Mark Ruffalo, who should really stick to dramatic fare) who dare not overshadow their chief investment.
A big screen bauble pinned at the time to the rising star power of Kate Hudson, Raising Helen added a pinch more pathos than usual to the mix, charting Hudson’s tumble from the glamorous life as a fashion mogul’s assistant when her sister and brother-in-law both die, leaving her with their three kids. Overwhelmed uncertainty, bickering and tears are followed in turn by peppy montage, love and hugs all around. The kids raise her, you see?
It’s not the merits of the movie or lack thereof, however, that have left an indelible mark. The poster for Raising Helen featured a side-view of a smiling, sprawling Hudson in micro-shorts and fur-ringed Ugg boots, making her look like a saucy Hoth pin-up. I hated those boots then, but I hate them with an unrivaled zeal even more so now, all for the fashion holocaust they’ve helped spawn.
Seemingly everywhere you turn, you see young girls and even otherwise seemingly intelligent women rocking all manner of Uggs, frequently either with skirts (!) or tucked into jeans (!!). Sigh… You know how parents use “fad” in deriding fashion — emphasizing its negative connotation — when they want to get out of purchasing something for kids? Uggs, I assume shorthand slang for “ugly” (apparently “hideous and laughably crappy-looking” was deemed more difficult to break down into monosyllabic marketing jargon), earn every bit of that clucking disdain and contempt. Sure, they were around before Raising Helen, I gather, but that confounded film and its insidious multi-million dollar marketing campaign helped really launch and further engrain them in the public consciousness.
Look, the big screen sets off and abets all sorts of fashion trends, I realize: wide-faced wraparound sunglasses, fitted men’s shirts, big purses, et al. A famous and prettified person in a certain outfit can make it seem attractive and desirable. But there comes a time to call a spade a spade, and here I’m hollering, “Emperor’s new clothes!” Can anyone defend Uggs on their own merits? To me, the only reason someone should be wearing shoes like that is if they’re involved in some sort of comedic sketch or if they’re going to or coming from playing outside in the snow. Otherwise… just stop it. You look ridiculous, ladies.
